Since the past 5 and half years she has been sleeping beside me. Her slightest movement would jerk me out of my deep slumber. Her restlessness after wetting her bed would make my hand slid across her bum to check for wetness, sprightly jumping up, taking her off the bed, putting her down as she stood there with closed eyes, changing her quickly before she felt cold, and putting her on a different bed with her dad so that I could change the sheets. At times for no reason I would just pull her near and hold her close; put my hand on her little heart beating fast; just hear her breathe and breathe along with her, keeping a rhythm, following her pace. Sometimes I would just wake up and kiss her everywhere, look at her and see how much she has grown in all these years. In the mornings I would wake up seeing her playing with her toys which she would religiously bring to bed at night. I would hold her, tickle her and she cackled and laughed.
But yesterday night was different and today morning was unusual. I did not pull anyone near; I did not put my hand on a little heart and breathe along; I had slid my hand multiple times under the sheets but did not feel the wetness; I did not wake up to a little girl lying beside me and playing with her toys; I did not have ‘our’ moments of boisterous laughter and the exuberant cackling. In 5 and half years my little girl had grown up, and yesternight she slept alone in her room for the first time.
I asked her, “Saanvi you have a new bed, will you sleep alone?”
She looked at me not sure what to say. Then she smiled and said, “Mama it will be dark and I will be scared. What if a monster comes?”
I told her comfortingly, “I will switch on the little animal lights you have in your room then it won’t be dark.”
So she shook her head up and down still not sure.
“I will be just next door Saanvi, and if a monster comes you know where to find me. You are a brave girl and I know you will be just fine.”
“I will try Mama,” she said finally.
“Yes my sweetheart we both will try.”
Jyotishree Mohanty 